Step 1

For the awesome sauce: Add egg yolks and pickle relish to a food processor and pulse until incorporated. Add your garlic and mushroom seasoning and pulse again.

Step 2

Now, go for it: Slowly drizzle your oil into the mix while all the flavors are spinning around and mingling (like you did at last year's holiday party). Don't go too fast though! The sauce may break, and there's no return from that. Be gentle. But make it thick. Thick is good. Transfer to a mixing bowl and fold together all of that mayo goodness with your ketchup.

Step 3

You're done! Make the fried rice now, and everything will be okay. (See Cook's Note.)

Step 4

For the cheeseburger fried rice: Add oil and onions to a hot wok and cook until golden brown and delicious. Add cooked bacon and browned ground beef. Bring some of the reserved bacon fat into the wok and add the jasmine rice.

Step 5

With an aggressive approach, mix, stir, rake, swirl, toss... whatever it takes to bring that rice back to life. Make sure every grain has been given some bacon-fat lovin' and nothing is sticking to the wok, until the rice has been fried and is completely alive again. Show it some respect by seasoning with mushroom seasoning and sugar. Not too much? but not too little. Taste this beautiful creation. It is delicious. If desired, add more mushroom seasoning. Toss in lettuce and tomatoes and mix just until incorporated; not wilted but not raw.

Step 6

For the garnish: Build this beauty like you would any other cheeseburger. Smother with nacho cheese, 3 ounces awesome sauce and mustard. Sprinkle some sesame seeds over the top (what's a burger bun without sesame seeds?) and last, but very certainly not least, the pickle chips. ENJOY.